Holding a decision this big, and this potentially life-changing, all to myself, is driving me slightly batshit crazy. And I’m no good at keeping secrets. Cue: the overshare.

So far, in no particular order, I have told: my mother, because d’oh!, she’s done this before; my trio of best real-life friends, because they have known all my inner adult workings, and it felt bizarre not to share this enormous leap in my thinking with them; a couple of currently/recently/planning soon-to-be knocked up/or just generally downright sensible online friends, so that I can safely vent some of these thoughts that are all up in my head, all the time; and then today, I let slip to my mother-in-law.

Of all the inappropriate people in the world, my mother-in-law? I mean it felt sensible at the time, since she was talking about helping us (read: the family communal) buy a new car, and was mentioning really rather small makes of car which might not be so sensible for the Boy and I to use if we were three instead of two. But honestly, I think that’s just an excuse for the fact that I wanted to tell somebody, anybody, and she sufficed because she was there. I mean I almost told my dad just after that as well, which would have been even more poorly judged.

But what of these boundaries, and this secrecy? I have no intention of telling everyone* what we’ve embarked upon (well, not yet anyway), but why is it that here in the west, there seems to be the expectation that such an enormous decision should be held exclusively between the couple? (As evidenced by the rather startled reaction of my poor mother-in-law to my hesitant disclosure.) We only felt emotionally married when we made our vows to each other in front of our community of family and loved ones, and heard them make vows of their own to help and support our marriage as best they can. So why not be able to share such an important step in our married life, and one which might potentially be so detrimental to our relationship, and therefore require calling in some of that promised help and support with them?

Clearly, there are all the issues surrounding the loss of privacy that comes with others watching closely for signs of pregnancy, wanting regular updates, and giving unwanted advice about how to speed things along. Butting in where it’s not appropriate is not something I advocate or encourage. However, I can’t help but feel that this deafening silence on matters reproductive doesn’t help the newly-planning-to-be-parents’ cause. It’s hardly any wonder to me that so many new mothers and fathers nowadays find the process of pregnancy and new parenthood isolating and terrifying, if we feel unable to even talk about when we’re thinking about launching into it, and thereby get some real-world feedback on how it might impact on our lives, and the things we could potentially do to maintain our sanity throughout that.** Just because every couple has to work their own way through things, doesn’t mean we all need to do so by reinventing the wheel. And really, there aren’t any prizes for discovering the secret of parenting happiness (or just, sanity), and then keeping it all to oneself…***

In this situation, as in all others, I’ve just got to do what feels right. For us. And for us, that seems to be letting some of our nearest and dearest in on this enormous next step of ours, right from the get go. I’m thinking that this can only be a good thing, so that, god forbid, should we need any of that promised support while we’re on these first baby steps**** of our journey, we can call on it. And be the stronger as a couple for knowing that we’re not doing this all on our own. After all, as they say, it takes a village…

*Oh yeah, except that I’ve started a blog so it’s ALL OVER THE INTERNETS. Sigh. One day I’ll understand myself.
**I’m not even counting baby books in the potential helpful sources available. One thing my obsessive reading has taught me is that they mostly seem to be insanity-inducing, and there are too few smart, thoughtful, real accounts of the whole process out there. Waaaaay too few.
***Except smugly superior satisfaction, and yeah, who hasn’t been guilty of that on occasion?
****See what I did there?! See?!