I went to see my GP today, at the Boy’s behest. And I’ve been completely unhinged as a result.
I went because of my bleeding. Ever more frequently I’ve been getting intermenstrual bleeding (extra bleeds that are totally separate and from in addition to my periods), which have been getting ever heavier as the months have passed (and ruining ever more nice pants), and the Boy thought it would be best to get it checked out. I went with thoughts of recurrent miscarriages (the bleeds only seem to happen on months when we were in with a chance, so to speak), cervical ectropions or polyps, and fibroids, expecting an uncomfortably awkward vaginal exam, and maybe some blood tests. Instead I got a brief and not very thorough history-taking session, and a referral for an ultrasound, with the nonchalant reassurance that it was very unlikely that anything ‘sinister’ would be going on at my age, but it would be best to have a scan to check it out.
I know that code. I’ve used it myself, frequently. Sinister means Cancer. Cancer had never even entered my hemisphere of thought until he said it. It came completely out of left field, and it’s really shaken me.
I know that what my perfectly adequate if not at all thorough GP said is true – it is a potential cause, albeit one that is extremely unlikely. And I don’t know if he maybe felt that the scan referral was a way of being super-cautious and reassuring with a colleague. Doctors do get very twitchy about treating other doctors. But it seemed such a prodigious leap to make when basic and obvious things like failing pregnancies (hello! I’m regularly having sex without contraception!), or even an STI (as disturbing as that line of enquiry might be to my supposedly monogamous marriage, hello! I’m regularly having sex without contraception!) hadn’t been ruled out in any way, that I was left absolutely stunned.
On the brightside… well, fuck that. There is no brightside to a day in which you were thoughtlessly (and most probably, needlessly) told that you’d better have a test to rule out cancer. Something that I just might politely point out to my dear GP when I return for my scan results.
P.S. Life takes you to unexpected places. I never imagined this blog would end up being about my treacherous journey through difficulties conceiving and the associated health scares. I bet you came along for funny snark and clever insights. I’m afraid that all I can say to that is oopsy.
Argh. Shit house news. I’m sure it’s all just precautionary and the rest of it, but am sending all my best thoughts to you.
I’m so, so sorry. I went through the same a few months ago- I had some weird stuff happening, and then they casually mentioned a few tests they can do after my pregnancy to rule out cancer. Awesome. The “c” word, AND “wait a few months” in the same sentence.
Keeping you in my thoughts.
I am so sorry. If it helps, the first thing that they did with me was sent me for ultrasounds too. That showed recurring cysts. They have no idea whether that will stop me conceiving. Maybe he didn’t mean cancer. Maybe he just meant… I don;t know what he meant but it’s good that they’re doing tests. They can’t tell much without doing scans. And they’re not as bad as they sound.
I am thinking of you.
I am also so, so sorry. Being providers we know what the code words are and that can make it oh so much worse when we are the patients. Fingers will be crossed.
I want to just say it’ll be okay, somehow. But I know that right now that’s hardly going to be the best thing. I am surprised at the leap the GP took, without other tests or further information from you. Very surprised by it. But given how little is still known about the vagina, womb, cervix and that whole area am slightly less surprised. I will be praying for you and really hope this is a simple thing. Until then and when you feel ready to be back here then we’ll be here to share and support you on your journey, whichever journey it may be.
I have been trying to think of the right words. Save hopefully, zebras.
You know he is just trying to cover his back. I hate useless GPs they make me sad that they just don’t care.
From someone who suffers from her own almost C I want to offer you many hugs.
I’m going to think he decided on the ultrasound to be as detailed as possible & to discover things like cysts and fibroids and other non-c issues. Because otherwise it freaks me out too much.
I do think it’s a rather big leap, to jump to cancer, but after what my family just went through, at least it’ll be ruled out right off the bat. (I wish my gran’s internist had gone there first…) It *will* be ruled out. Extra-positive thinking. That works, right?
I know this is a terribly timed worry for you, so I’m sending you extra extra hugs and positive thoughts. Lots of love to you.
Well. I am sorry. ‘Tis never good when going to the doctor makes you feel worse than before you went, though that often seems to be the case.
Thinking of you.
Yes, anna, horses not zebras.
Everything will be OK. I am just so sorry you’re having to live through this part. Stupid doctor.
I’m so sorry, keeping my fingers crossed that everything is all right!
I’m so sorry to hear this – I really hope it turns out okay. Will keep everything crossed for you. x
One day at a time. ♥
I’m thinking positive and supportive thoughts, and sending you a hug from my screen to yours. {{hug}}
Keep us posted, girl. We’re with ya.
Thanks, guys. You really are the BEST. <3 <3 <3
Oh… (hug) the waiting is always unbearable with these things isn’t it? It’s so hard to stop it from taking over your brain.
I guess it is better to be checked out and know than to worry indefinitely and not be able to get checked.
Wishing you well x
ugh this is like when my doctor called to tell me i had some bad test results and said in a sinister tone that it could lead to cancer. way to strike the fear into the patients. sending hugs while you wait to hear what are sure to be relieving results…
UGH. Sorry my dear. And scary. And awful.
But mostly I’m glad they are going to check out what the f*ck is going on, because all that bleeding is freaking me out. And ruining your pants. Hugs. And more hugs. And hopefully something helpful and not scary in the end.
Ugh, I keep disappearing from blogland and come upon your posts so late. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but good thing you’re getting the tests done right away. Fingers crossed on this side of the ocean for you.
Oh for fucks sake. I’m glad they are checking it out, but couldn’t they like, ask you out for a drink and then slip you a roofie and do the ultrasound while you’re zonked out? That way they wouldn’t tell you scary things that are really unlikely but still terrifying.
I hope you are doing well in all ways.
I have not much to add darling, except ((((hugs))) and that like others have said, when I was having a few problems the first thing they did was send me for an ultrasound. Being completely clueless about all things medical, I saw this as a brilliant thing as I thought it was the quickest way to determine the problem.
Maybe it will be the quickest way for you to know there is nothing major happening?
Thinking of you lots x
Yeah cos like you really needed it to be shitter than it already is.
Strength to you.
♥♥♥